In major life news, my stepbrother took his own life, Sunday, December 16, 2012. He was only 28 and it definitely rocked our worlds. He was bipolar and on/off his meds. I can only guess that was the reason. He didn’t leave a note. I’ve spent tons of time with my family since. My stepfather and I have always been very close and it really shook me to see him in so much pain. The first thing I told him was that this was not his fault. I do not want him to blame himself as he’s been an awesome father to me and my brothers. My stepbrother/stepsister haven’t been as blessed to witness his limitless love/devotion to his family. I’m hoping that this will bring him/his daughter closer. I will work to make sure that happens. Life is too short.

On Thursday, I came home and husband was looking at music videos. Normally, he’s busy working on his speak/spell (his work tablet). I asked what he was doing, but he just said he was looking at music. I retreated to the bath tub. I needed hot water to soothe my emotionally drained body. That bath was heavenly and just what I needed. As I was laying down, he came in and told me he wanted to sing at my stepbrother’s funeral. I was floored. He let me listen to some songs, but none felt right. Finally, he said, well there’s one more song, I sang it at my high school recital. It’s Josh Groban’s “To Where You Are”. Such a beautiful song, and I knew instantly that was what I wanted. Husband is a trained opera singer and I knew this would blow everyone away. Told him to get to practicing as there were some high notes in it. He sang it Saturday and it was beautiful and I loved it.

My mom was stellar throughout the whole thing. I was honestly amazed at how strong she was and how she was able to be there for my stepfather. When they made the arrangements, she didn’t go in the room because she didn’t want to upset my stepfather’s ex wife. We were all thankful to be included and allowed to attend. My stepfather spoke at the funeral and my eyes could no longer hold it in. He’s such a loving man and I’m so thankful my mom married him. My kid brother only knew my stepbrother for such a short time, but their similarities are just beyond. Christmas is going to be tough this year, but I’m so thankful for my wonderful family. Kiss your loved ones, tell them you love them. I know I will.

You know those people that are just downright mean for no good reason? Yeah, this entry isn’t about them. They don’t even deserve this much space on my blog. This morning, I pulled into my local Starbucks for my beloved iced coffee sweetened with half/half. I ordered another treat as well, banana walnut bread. There was one car in front of me, and I was waiting patiently. I promise. Anywho, when it my turn, I greeted my favorite server and he gave me my drink/treat. I tried to give him my card, but he said, “You can put your card away, the lady in front of you paid for you.” What? Sweet! That made my day and I promised myself I would spread my cheer. I’m wearing a festive hat to work and I’m having a fantabulous day. There was no one behind me, otherwise I would’ve paid it forward.

These past few months I’ve been dealing with not liking the girl I saw in pictures of yesteryear. I look at those pictures and yes, I don’t recognize myself. I see a person that didn’t care about herself. She was a facade, a shell. Her confidence wasn’t genuine. She wasn’t happy. I finally talked to my Mom about it and she had the perfect words in response.

“You didn’t see the person you were in the mirror. The person you saw was what you look like now. This is who you believed you were.”

That’s the girl that made the decision to change. I’m very proud of her for having the courage, the strength and the desire to be better. This surgery has changed my life, my marriage, even my work life. It’s the best thing I’ve ever done for myself. I’m super proud of my husband and his ongoing progress. We’re doing it together. The closer I get to goal weight the more scared I get. I’m scared to try for kids. I want them and I’ve been in training recently, playing with my friend’s kids and I’m amazed at how smart and kind they are.

All that said, I present my inner vixen. This is who I see when I look in the mirror. I love you guys and thank you for following me on my journey. I’m not done yet.

Thanks to a very compromising stomach bug, I got down to 170. Crazy! The progress has been slow moving, but I’m still going to the gym, riding my bike and loving how my clothes fit. The milestones this month were riding bikes with my husband over the weekend. First time ever for that. I started a new gym routine. Spartacus for Women. I’ve seen the results for men, and the women routine is tough, but doable. I’m loving how my butt is firming up. Picture time.

Old school pic. I wish I had a romper this cute. This was from back in the day in Singapore. My brother’s chipmunk cheeks in the background.

This is his work badge pic. I crack up every time I see it. His face!

The month started out with me going to a family reunion. I hadn’t been to one in a long time, so it was good to see my Grandma’s side of the family and spend some qt with my Dad. My mom wanted me to wear this outfit and my cowboy boots. Of course I listened.

I love this pic. I recently told my Dad that I wanted better hugs. This picture is the result of awesome hugs and some healing.

Brother, Dad and Me

Brother and Dad. I posted this on FB and one of my brother’s friends said something like “Eating well, dude?” so mean!

Me/my stepmother. It was a really good time.

In preparation, my mom felt I needed foam rollers. She’s too cute.

Kissy face pic.

When I got back, I spent some QT with one of my besties, Sheri. At the nail salon. I got my brows did.

After, we went to our favorite Mexican restaurant and had some margaritas.

Excellent conversations.

We started off the month with Employee Appreciation to. Bingo time! I won!

Party decorations. I loved the red glitter bottles.

Husband and I rode go carts. So much fun!

This is one of my favorite dresses.

I’m wearing this outfit to work today. This skirt is one of my favorites.

Had dinner with the family and went gambling with my Lita.

Sexy beast pic.

I borrowed my uncle’s hat.

I love this hat.

Finally wearing pants again. I needed to get smaller pants.

Mom’s baked ziti. So yum!

I’m working, I swear!

With the co-worker at a patio bar pre-gaming.

Probably my favorite pic ever of me/husband.

This one is a close second. I made some friends at the game.

This was during our first bike ride together. I don’t know if he enjoyed it as much as I did. I’m very proud of his effort.

On our way to family bbq. Yum!

We went to lake Conroe with the fam this past Sunday. My cousin putting sunblock on her man. So cute, right?

The parents, relaxing with me. Go Texans!

My cousin’s kids are so cute! Isn’t she precious?

Glistening and worshipping the sun.

One happy camper.

I made a stinkbug friend.

Ready for movies with husband.

I look so tough with my hot pink nails and weight lifting gloves, don’t I? Sweaty and I love it!

Here’s a pic of a display my husband built. Pretty, right? Go Texans!

I wish I was here again.

It’s been nearly 7 months since I had surgery and changed my life. It’s been quite a journey. I’ve lost over 100lbs and I’m still working. The outfits have been getting tighter and I’m enjoying being smaller. The video told most of the story, and here are the pics.

Sorry the last one is blurry, but these are from my bday. I felt so confident and sexy in this dress. 32 was way easier this year.

Mumsy wanted to make my bday special so we went to see Magic Mike. This is the beautiful dress I wore.

Before that, I was tubing in Sargent with husband and family. Yay!

Oiled up and ready to ride! Mom and I had a blast!

Checking my mascara is so much easier on my phone.

I love getting glam for work.

Played with makeup again. I love this color combo.

My bras are prettier and like to be seen.

We launched a new product at work, and it’s so yum! Protein shake deliciousness!

The full version tastes better, but this will do.

Scrunched up hair awesomeness.

Kisses for you all! 

Am I a vixen yet?

Crossing my legs doesn’t hurt and I actually love doing it for added drama. 

Dynamo game with husband last night. First time he’s never complained about a seat. Yay!

I love how my eyes look bigger ony my face.

White short awesomeness.

Hooker heels for the office.

I’m glad my toe polish matched the stadium seats.

Chair pics for the win!

Sunshine/wind make me smile like this.

So much fun, for reals!

Best seat in the house.

That concludes the pics. To put it in writing, I’m down 105 lbs, feeling awesome, and riding a bike, y’all. Life is good! Going to Canyon Lake this weekend with the family and Austin with Chelsea/David. So excited about all the wonderfulness. Love you guys!

Yay! I’m back. Been super busy, but updating isn’t important, video first, then pics. Yay!

Now that I’ve done all my sexy reporting for the morning, I decided it was high time I blogged and checked in with y’all. I’m still doing fabulous. The clothing swap went famously. I had 25-30 girls traipse through my home and try on clothes. I super scored a dress, a pair of tight jeans, lacy top and some other boobalicious items. I still have leftovers, mostly shoes/suit jackets, etc. Any takers?

The trannies showed up and I was super annoyed with this. They’re not plus size so I have no idea why they come to these events. I probably won’t host one again specifically for that reason. I had a sign on my door and everything and they just waltzed right in. Super boo! I was annoyed because it made people uncomfortable. This made them leave earlier, which was a bonus for me, right?

I’ve been to a couple pool parties with our Lake Jackson friends so my tan is still in good shape. I also attended a boot camp with my trainer. I was finally walking without pain 3 days later. Yay! Between the bootcamp and my nature walks, I’m less than half a pound from my first goal. Super stoked.

In other news, the sex life with Jefferson is much better. I just feel sexier everyday. My biggest fear about the surgery is that this wouldn’t change. I still definitely want it more than I get it, but it’s better than what it was and I’ll take that. Change is good.

It’s been good having my old boss back in my office. Wonderful actually. He recently gave us tickets to Schlitterbahn just because. Yay! That’s our waterpark here in TX. I’m super stoked to go.

Husband bought a boat. I know nothing about boats, but I’m excited for the new toy. More suntan time. Yay!

I still haven’t received the graduation pics from my brother. Grr. He’s been in a mood lately. No idea why. My mom has been venting about the things his gf has been doing wrong and while I’m glad to listen, she just needs to have a talk with the both of them. It’s her house, right?

The next blog will be more pictures from the swap, progress, etc. I hope all of you ladies are doing well.

It seems as if I never blog anymore, but I’m doing well, ladies. I’m down to 183, or 3 lbs away from 100 lbs down. Yay! I feel fantastic, and just enjoy life so much more. The weekends have been busy. This one is no different. I’m hosting the clothing swap for my meetup group. Smart right? I’ll get to PURGE my closet. So stoked about that. So let’s tell the story of the last two weeks in pictures.

So not innocent at work.

Somehow my innocence scored tickets to an Astros vs. Rangers game in our corner of the stadium. Yay!

I wore my favorite white shorts and peach top

Nails were refreshed to I’m not Really a Waitress by OPI.

Had dinner with the family. Some hadn’t seen me since Christmas. Was so good to see everyone.

Went to a pool party.

Not a stitch of makeup on, but just felt so beautiful.

I still put some on. LOL.

And then I put some on my friends…

Glamorous work day.

Visited an adult store… what? I can’t do that either?

Had some fun at work. My co-workers are hilarious!

Scored some cute shoes.

This is the same tea as what is served at PF Chang’s. So yum!

Erin Brakovichin at work.

New workout shorts. Rocked them yesterday.

Super glam today.

Kisses to you ladies!

Since it is most definitely bed time, I’m just going to recap quickly on the pictures.

Beautiful day for a graduation. Better pics coming soon, but this is the only one I took of me. Boo!

Me and Cowboy. I love love love this picture.

Me/brother’s gf. I made her take off this shirt immediately. Sexy top/jeans was the fashion coordinator advice.

Me/Nikki. Friend of mom’s that hadn’t seen me since surgery.

Dad brought a friend to the party. He worked with him in Mexico.

Ahh, Much better.

Photo-bombing.

Yes, sexy top mission accomplished!

Mom got the memo. I bought her this shirt. Yay mom!

Yay!

The ladies looking fierce.

Me/brother/mom. So glad I got one of these.

Brother and Grandmother.

Brother’s gf got one with Dad. I didn’t. Boo!

I’m sure there is a better angle of this pic, and I’m looking forward to it.

Graduation pics are going to be better. I’m better at bar pics. LOL!

Hi chicas! My brother is graduating this weekend. Yay! I’m so proud and I’ll be sure to get plenty of brother/sister pics. Tonight, my Dad is coming in from Virginia with my Grandma. The agenda is as follows: dinner tonight, graduation at the ass crack of dawn tomorrow, nap time, and grad party at Mo’s tomorrow night, Sunday Mother’s day bbq/grad party for my brother and then my Dad flies back home Monday. Before dinner, I plan on scoring a mani/pedi since I probably won’t have time the rest of the weekend. My Aunt is driving up from the valley today. Yay! I haven’t seen my Aunt, Grandma, Dad in a long time so I’m super excited for them to feast their eyes on all my progress.

My exercise routine for this week has been intense. I usually get tense when my Dad visits and he’s staying with us this weekend so I made sure to get all my gym time in during the week. Monday, I walked 10 miles. Tuesday I worked out with my trainer and I did my usual stretching/cardio routine before we hit legs hard and abs. I was too sore Wednesday and still sore yesterday, but I managed to get in 14 miles walking yesterday. A mani/pedi is definitely in order. I need some pampering time.

Picture time!

My co-workers loved my hair like this. Messy/done in 5 seconds? Ok. My new hire realized that my hair does have a natural wave to it. It’s not super straight.

See? I love wearing it like this, scrunched, not brushed and messy.

I was sitting in traffic, not amused.

My co-worker also loves to go shopping during lunch. I snapped a pic in front of a full length mirror that I loved.

Yesterday’s smokey eye makeup.

Work it, girl!

No weight loss this week but I’m also on my . this week. Boo!