December 22, 2011

• Now who’s getting nervous?

  *raises hand* I can’t quite put my finger on the why. I’m definitely more excited than nervous, but that feeling is definitely running through me all the time. On the way home I called a very valuable resource for some reassurance. She is one of my mom’s friends, who was also one of my first bosses. Amazing woman and mother. She had all of her children prior to having weight loss surgery like my mom, but she lost 200 lbs (my mom lost 100) with bypass and has kept it off. Amazing. She’s pretty involved in the community so every question I had, she had an answer. I’m forgetting what else I wanted to discuss.

  This has been quite an emotional journey for me. At my last consult before scheduling the surgery, I went by myself. I was waiting in the reception and I started crying. I was finally coming to terms with needing the surgery. I started going to the gym in October of last year, I was working out with a trainer 2-3 times a week and lost 20 lbs pretty quickly before Christmas. Over the holidays, I gained 10 back and then fell off the wagon as far as going to the gym goes. I went back in February or March, but not as regularly as I was last year. In August, I started really going back to the gym. New trainer, closer to home. I’ve lost those ten I gained back and almost another 10 as a result of being on the pre-op shake diet with my husband. 30 lbs in a year. Would you be happy with that? It doesn’t sound like enough to me and I don’t want to fool myself into thinking I can do this on my own without the surgery. I have finally accepted that. I don’t look at it as the easy way out. There was one amazing youtube video I found that explained just that. I’ll need to post my favorite videos here so I can reflect on those in the coming months.

  My OB and I discussed my surgery and she was soo excited and had reassuring stories of women that had successful pregnancies post surgery so that was good to hear. Even though the thought of pregnancy is at least 12-18 months away, I’ve been pretty focused on that lately. After making my husband dinner (oatmeal again), I scoured youtube for those videos. The first one I found was a woman that was 39, never had children before surgery, got pregnant and then lost the baby 3-4 months out.  She was 11 months post surgery but wasn’t concerned with the weight loss once she found out she was pregnant. I didn’t watch all of her emotional video, and she hadn’t really updated after that episode either. The next video I found was of a woman who was 34, had a child already, but wanted another. She was only 9 weeks post op but hadn’t really thought of any kind of BC post surgery. Her and her husband had discussed it and he told her, do you really want to miss a chance to have kids? She was comforted that he was ready to have children, ready to try. There was a time in their marriage where he didn’t want to try. That spoke to me, but I definitely want to be at my healthiest prior to conceiving. I’m still nervous about using this new BC, but looking forward to seeing how that goes as well. I just don’t want to hurt anyone’s equipment while using it. That’ll probably be the next thing I scour youtube for.

  I’m definitely considering getting back on youtube to discuss my journey. I’ll definitely still blog and get it in writing, but I love seeing the progress videos of all these women/men who have had the surgery and all the months along their way. I think journaling things will definitely help me later on down the road when I hit the stalls or slow periods of weight loss. I talked to my mom yesterday. I could just hear the sheer joy in her voice leading up to my surgery. She’s awesome. I’m so lucky to have such an amazing support system.

  My post op patient was doing very well yesterday. He said he didn’t take any pain medicine the entire day. I was so glad to hear that. My mom’s friend said that it slows the healing process as well as your bowels and who wants that? I made him some more oatmeal and we watched an episode of storage wars. I think I prefer him watching this show vs. scouring craigslist for junk. He’s been more affectionate lately and I have been loving that. I think the hierarchy between me/his mom has finally shifted. I was there the entire time through his surgery/post op and I know he wanted his mom, but I don’t think she was there as much as he would’ve liked. I almost didn’t want to discuss that, but it’s me and that was important to me. I’ve talked to her more throughout his surgery than I have our entire marriage and I did it with a smile on my face and no mean words behind her back. Progress!

  • 10:47 am
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