June 19, 2013

• Yep, Still CRAZY!

  Girls, I lost my ladiness over the weekend. My Lita is definitely close to passing. When I’d visit in the hospital, to be there for my Mom/family, I was fine. I’d wait until I got in the car or home to bawl my eyes out. Over the weekend, my Mom asked me to bring her some clothes and some lunch. I was quick to get on the ball, and since husband hadn’t visited yet, I really wanted him to go as well. He was already out running an errand, and of course called to tell me he was done as I was heading to my mom’s house. I let him know what was going on and he agreed to meet me at my mom’s house. Since he was right down the street, I didn’t expect him to be too far behind me. I was packing clothes like a mad woman at my mom’s house. I couldn’t find her chones (panties), so I was getting close to panic then. I could only find my mom’s skimpy Victoria’s Secret panties (with the tags on) so that was what I packed (LOL!). I had been there close to half an hour and was starting to come unglued as to why he wasn’t there yet. I left and headed to my aunt’s house to get clothes for her, but none of her kids were home. Boo again! Husband called me when I was nearly to my aunt’s house, irked that I’d “left him.” I knew my mom hadn’t eaten so I was trying to get to her quickly. Husband and I definitely have different paces at which we get things done. I’m quick, fast, and in a hurry and he can take his time without a care in the world. In his defense, he’s more thorough, but I always try to get more done quicker. After the bust at my aunt’s house I booked it towards the hospital. I saw Jason’s Deli and thought that sounded delicious for my Mom/Aunt. I love their HUGE sandwiches and soups, so that was what I got. I fed 5 people with 2 sandwiches and 2 bowls of soup. LOL! My order didn’t take too long but the girl that was in charge of packing it moved slower than I don’t even know what. In her defense, the food was still steaming hot by the time it got to my mom’s mouth, but I was irked with her pace as well.

  I finally made it to the hospital and I was still irked. Irked that I was carrying everything. Pregnant lady needing some assistance! I was nearly to the door of the hospital and my husband was moseying on out and I lost it. “Are you going to help me?!” And yes, I was probably speaking loudly. He told me he was on his way, but it was as if the entire weight of the world was on my shoulders and I couldn’t hold it. Jefferson threatened to leave because of my behavior (which was probably more than embarassing at this point). I was having a major meltdown. I was mad at the world. I miss my Lita’s voice more than anything and even though her passing hasn’t been “sudden,” it’s definitely hitting me hard. I was inconsolable. We got on the elevator and he was still commenting that he couldn’t believe how rude I was acting and I still couldn’t stop myself. I finally told him I needed a hug. As soon as he wrapped his arms around me my tears just leaked out of my eyes. Don’t go chasing, waterfalls!

  I calmed myself down even though I was Farrah ugly crying. We walked towards my Lita’s room and as soon as my mom saw me, she knew I was upset. She hugged me and I sobbed more. We went to the family room and she asked me what the hell was wrong. I told her I was just unable to deal. She looked at me and told me that all my crying/being upset wasn’t good for the baby. I need to be happy every day I’m pregnant, which for the most part, I am. Truly, over the moon, jumbo cheese happy. But with everything going on with my Lita, I was just ill prepared. We talked/ate. I felt better. My mom rocks. I apologized to my husband for my ridiculousness, but I could not control myself. It was as if someone else was being crazy and I couldn’t stop them.

  We stayed for a long time, well until my sister-in-law arrived. There’s only so much I can deal with when it comes to her/her pregnancy. Husband and I rode separately, and he stopped somewhere on the way home to get bathroom cleaning supplies and I started laundry. As a penance, punishment to myself for my behavior, I folded his 80 million pairs of socks. The man has I have no idea how many different brands/styles of socks. It’s ridiculous. I started laundry and tried to forgive myself for my behavior. He came home, and he had brought me my favorite Coconut Vitainwater and sunflower seeds. I have no idea how I have such an awesome husband.

  Fathers Day, he scrubbed our shower since I don’t think I’m supposed to be douching that area of our home. He even made me breakfast. It was a great weekend despite my meltdown. Please, baby Jesus, no more of that.

  • 2:09 pm
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