November 3, 2011

• Weight Loss Surgery/Counseling Updates

  Yesterday was a whole lotta therapy. I had my psych eval as well as couples counseling. I’m still processing that me overload. During the psych eval I was asked a series of questions and I was an open book. I talked about issues with my childhood, husband, relationships. Couples counseling before yesterday was still skimming the surface of me. So far it’s been our issues on the table, not so much individually. This psych eval was a deep dive into me. Scary stuff. I felt like she went inside my head, caused a hurricane, complete with rocks and a huge mess. I talked to my husband about it before couples counseling and holy majole. Bad move. We’re still not at the point where we can discuss things and there’s that open/safe environment. He’ll say the wrong thing, I’ll hear something worse and then I’m crying. Awesome. I have another appointment with the surgeon before I schedule, and even though I passed the psych eval, I’m still on the fence. I want my husband to have the surgery regardless, but I’m sure he feels like this is either we both do it or neither do it kind of deal. Ay yi yi!

  Couples counseling turned deep. I was an open wound and let him crawl even deeper inside my head. All of my insecurities or most of them came to the surface. The bigger ones that I try to hide the most were up front, ready for him to attack. I needed him to be firmer with me and firmer he was. It felt like a spanking. Who said that? He did. Who said that? He did. Finally, I realized that the only person saying whatever I heard was me. Only a little dense and stubborn. Nothing to see here. When we got home, he reminded me that he’s glad he married me. That he loves me, that I’m sexy. Of course the words don’t mean as much when they’re not accompanied by bed shaking activities, and of course those didn’t happen. He fell asleep on the couch. So this morning, I’m rocking a dress and hooker heels, prancing around the office like a rockstar. I even packed gym clothes. My insecurities snuck up on me early this morning and it’s like I need to punish myself for what he does/doesn’t do.

  Spectacular.

  • 12:25 pm
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